The Girl in the Mirror

A couple of months ago, I looked in the mirror and I was not pleased with what I saw. “How did this happen?!” I wondered. Then I decided to do something about it. I joined a dance class. Even after 4 classes, I just couldn't keep up with the fast-paced, bouncy hip hop moves and I couldn't handle watching myself in the mirror. So I did what any postpartum sleep-deprived woman would do - I left class early and cried all the way home! And I refused to go to class the next week. I have a bad case of what I call “Mommy body!”

How about you? When you look into the mirror, do you like what you see? Chances are, if you are a female, then you have dealt with body image issues at some point in time. We compare ourselves with other women and often unrealistically so. No matter what the number is on the scale, we tend to fixate on the things we don’t like about our bodies. One woman says, “I wish I had curly hair,” while another woman wishes hers was straight. One woman wants a flatter tummy while another wishes for a curvier figure.

What’s a girl to do? How do we find contentment with the girl in the mirror? Perhaps we need a different perspective – God’s perspective. You’ve probably heard these truths before, but we all need a reminder now and then.

Genesis 1:27-28, 31
“God created man in His own image…male and female He created them.
God blessed them…God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.”

Psalm 139:14
“I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

I Samuel 16:7
“For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance,
but the Lord looks at the heart.”

I Peter 3:3-4
“Your adornment must not be merely external…but let it be the hidden
person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is precious in the sight of God.”


(Written by Heidi Songer for the Westwood MOPS May 2011 newsletter)

Are You Tech Savvy?

I came downstairs one morning and found my 6-year-old son already on the computer. “Whatcha doin’?” I asked him. “Updating my website,” he responded casually, as if that was a perfectly typical thing for any 6-year-old child to be doing!

It got me thinking about how tech savvy our children are compared to us and how we grew up. I remember how exciting it was when my dad bought our first computer, a Commodore 64. I think I was 8. I learned to type in 8th grade. I got my first email address and first used the Internet for research in college. (Man, I wish the Internet had been available in high school!)

That conversation with my son also got me wondering, how tech savvy are my peers and their children? So I surveyed some MOPS moms and here are some of my findings.

Tech Savvy Moms

90% of the 39 moms that responded say they belong
to a social networking site. Facebook is by far the
most popular with 34 moms belonging. 8 moms use
LinkedIn, 2 use Twitter, and 1 mom is on MySpace.

All of the moms surveyed have at least 1 email account. 82% say they check their email several times a day. 10% check their email at least once daily and 8% check it less than once daily.

67% of moms use websites to share photos or videos. Shutterfly was the most popular with 17 users. Snapfish was second with 10 users. 5 moms use YouTube, 5 use Flickr, 5 use Kodak, and 3 use Walgreens.

28% of the surveyed moms have their own blog or website.

Tech Savvy Kids

Of the 33 moms that responded to this survey, 24 allow their children to use the computer. Just 6 of the children have their own computer.

How much time do your kids spend on the computer each day?
8 said 10 minutes or less
6 said 10-30 minutes
8 said 30-60 minutes
2 said 1 hour or more (That would be MY kid! But just for the record, he doesn't watch TV much.)

What do your kids do on the computer?
19 use Games
8 use Word or Excel
7 visit websites
7 use photo/video/music software
6 do artwork
1 does school research

Recommended Websites for Kids

Barbie.com
Club Penguin
Disney Junior
Funbrain
Google Maps (My son spends HOURS on this site!)
Lego.com
Moshi Monster
Nick Jr.
PBSkids.org
Peep & the Big Wide World
school website
Sprout
Starfall.com
VeggieTales

By the way, my son uses www.shutterfly.com to create his websites. He logs in to my account and uses the "Share" sites to work on 2 of his own sites. It's easy to add photos from my Shutterfly albums and he's added text, maps, weather, links and more. It's easy enough for a Kindergartner!!


Written by Heidi Songer for the Westwood MOPS April 2011 newsletter

I'll Pray for You

I wasn't feeling motivated or inspired to write anything for the April MOPS newsletter. Then I came across this blog post on prayer by a friend of mine. She gave me permission to use it in the newsletter.

Click on the title above to read her article.
Or visit her blog at http://www.mybeautifulday.net/2011/04/promises-we-just-dont-keep.html

The Big Picture

“Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
“Pick your battles.”
“Major on the majors and minor on the minors.”

Good advice for moms? Sure, but it’s easier said than done! Sometimes we make everything into a big deal. A dirty diaper. Another load of laundry. Junior refusing to eat his peas. Sometimes we lose sight of what’s important. Well, what IS important? That’s the first question author Julie Barnhill asks in her book One Tough Mother. Here’s her words: “In the light of eternity, what do you want out of this whole mothering thing?” And here’s her answer, “I want to raise children who will want to return home as adults. (Return as in visit. Not live indefinitely.)”

So I asked myself this question and I came up with four things. Yes...four! Maybe it’s because I’m an over-achiever, or maybe I just couldn’t narrow it down to one!

1) I want my children to follow Christ.
We recently celebrated Abby’s infant dedication at Westwood. It was so affirming to hear the congregation say “we will” as they gave their agreement to help us raise our child (and children) in the ways of Christ. I do realize that ultimately my kids have to make their own choice whether they will follow Christ or not. But I will keep this desire in mind as I make decisions each day. And I will pray and pray and PRAY!

2) I want my children to have an authentic lifelong relationship with me, their father, and each other.
I wrote this with my own family dynamics in mind. I have a great relationship with my mom as an adult. She would be the first one to admit she made many mistakes as a mother. Yet the fact that all 3 of her children still adore her makes those mistakes trivial. On the other hand, I wish I had a closer relationship with my siblings and I hope to instill a lasting closeness between my children.

3) I want my children to become positive contributing members to society (unless physically or mentally unable).
I grew up with an “I want to change the world, or at least a piece of it” mentality. My husband learned a very strong work ethic from his family. I guess that’s why this is important to me. It’s not that I expect my kids to become doctors, missionaries, or president! Their career path is their choice. It’s more about the attitude. I just want them to be hardworking, compassionate, generous people, using their unique gifts and abilities in a positive way, regardless of their worldly success.

4) I want my children to be safe, healthy, and loved.
To me, these are the basic minimum requirements of the job of parenting. It isn’t my job to play with my kids all day long, but it is my job to make sure they’re safe. It isn’t my job to give my kids everything they want, but it is my responsibility to meet their basic needs. My parents struggled financially, so I didn’t have the nicest things. But I never doubted that I was loved. That’s what I want for my kids too.

Those are just MY answers. Perhaps I’ve given you some inspiration to think about the big picture. So what do YOU want out of mothering? I encourage you to write it down and share it with your husband or a friend. And then, “Don’t sweat the small stuff!”

(written by Heidi Songer for the Westwood MOPS March 2011 newsletter)

Ordinary, Flawed & Used by God

I’ve heard it said that God uses ordinary people to do His work. Look in the Bible. David was a shepherd. Joseph was a carpenter. Peter was a fisherman. Yet David became probably the most well-known king of Israel. Joseph was chosen to be the earthly father of Jesus. And Peter is known as the founder of the church. These men didn’t start out to change the world. They were just regular people, but they were obedient to God.

But let’s take it another step further. Not only does God use ordinary people; He uses flawed people. Selfish, sinful, disobedient people. Again, look at the Scriptures. King David committed adultery, yet he was known as “a man after God’s own heart.” Rahab was a prostitute and still God used her to help and protect his people. She is even included in the geneology of Jesus. Paul participated in the arrest and murder of Christians but after his life was changed by Jesus, he became God’s #1 spokesman.

So, can God use me? Ordinary me. Flawed me. Absolutely!! For the past 1-1/2 years my husband and I have been leading worship at a small church (a very small church – about 30 people on a good Sunday!). I am constantly amazed at how God uses me. He uses me when I am in a bad mood. He has used me during pregnancy sickness, anxiety attacks, even through coughs & colds.

He uses me in spite of my imperfections. There have been numerous times when we’re driving to church and I’m telling my husband that I’m not sure I should be doing this. I mean - I don’t completely have this Christianity thing figured out myself. I don’t pray as often as I should. I don’t read my Bible every day. Am I really worthy to be up front “leading” these people? The truth is, I’m not worthy, but if I have been called to this by God and I obey, He will honor my obedience.

Just this past weekend after singing one song, I had planned to tell a brief story. When the time came, I ended up saying something completely different than what I had planned. Even at that moment, I wasn’t really sure why. I just believed that it was a God-thing. I might never know why. Perhaps He knew that somebody there needed to hear what I said (and not what I had planned to say!).

So I want to encourage you - don’t wait until you’ve got it all figured out (‘cuz it won’t happen!). You don’t have to be a super saint. Just be ordinary, flawed, and obedient – and wait and see how God uses you. Then come and tell me about it sometime!

(written by Heidi Songer for the Westwood MOPS February 2011 newsletter)

My Current Top 22 songs

Here it is - RockStarMom's Top 22 songs, not necessarily in order! They are not necessarily new songs, just the songs that seem to be impacting me the most right now. These songs convey the themes of healing, God's love and beauty. As you will see Bebo Norman, Casting Crowns and Tenth Avenue North are currently some of my favorite musicians/groups!

No Matter What - Kerrie Roberts
Before the Morning - Josh Wilson
Body and Soul - Susan Ashton
Voice Of Truth - Casting Crowns
Hide - Joy Williams
I Will Lift My Eyes - Bebo Norman
Rescue - Desperation Band
If We've Ever Needed You - Casting Crowns
Inside Out - April McLean
Singing Over Me - Building 429
You Picked Me - A Fine Frenzy
My Constant One - Michelle Tumes
Pull Me Out - Bebo Norman
Anyway - Nichole Nordeman
Beautiful - Bethany Dillon
The Real Me - Natalie Grant
Into The Day - Bebo Norman
Healing Begins - Tenth Avenue North
Strong Enough to Save - Tenth Avenue North
By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North
Hold My Heart - Tenth Avenue North
Love Is Here - Tenth Avenue North

New Year, Time to Refocus

A couple of weeks ago my mother was in a car accident – a fender bender. She said it was her fault; she was distracted and wasn’t paying close attention. The accident really made her think – yes, she was distracted, not just in her driving, but also in her life and her walk with God. It’s like God was saying, “Pay attention!”

I get distracted too – by the daily demands of motherhood, household responsibilities, work and whatever else! I’ve been thinking lately that I don’t do a good job keeping God in the center of my life and my priorities. And then I wonder why my son doesn’t display as much spiritual interest as I’d like. Hmm. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it?

I felt convicted at church last week, when our speaker talked about putting Christ in the center of our lives. Oh, He is a part of my life, but sometimes I try to keep Him on the shelf and just take Him out when I need Him. How can I put Christ at the center? How do I make Him my priority and allow Him to fit the rest of the pieces of my life together?

First of all, I have to make the decision that I want to and I’m going to “refocus” my life. I can do this anytime, but right now at the beginning of the year seems like a good time. This year I want to “Turn my eyes upon Jesus” (words we sang at church!). I want to “Fix [my] eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of [my] faith,” (Hebrews 12:2).

It might mean giving up control. Gulp! That’s hard for me! Maybe before I make my to-do list today, I should pray, “God, what do YOU want me to do today?”

It means, asking myself, “How do I model for my children what being a Christian looks like?” Do they see me going to church on Sunday, but losing my temper on Monday? Do they ever see me reading the Bible? Do they see me obeying God or am I modeling disobedience, or even indifference?

One thing we just started doing as a family is a weekly memory and application verse. Here’s our first verse:

And whatever you do in word or in deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus. (Colossians 3:17)

My husband talked about going to work with a better attitude. I talked about doing cleaning and other chores as if I was cleaning the house for Jesus. We want to very honestly share with our kids that we are trying our best to follow Christ, and we don’t always get it right, but we keep trying! Our hope is that our children will follow our example.

(written by Heidi Songer for the Westwood MOPS January 2011 newsletter)

Don't Forget Jesus

Have you ever lost your child in a crowded store? Remember how it felt when you realized he wasn’t with you? A few years ago, my sister and I took our kids to the Mall of America. We were browsing at the Lego store when we lost track of my 7-year-old nephew. My sister was a wreck, so I (the calm one) asked an employee for help. I was directed to the guest services room where I found my nephew safe-and-sound, but frightened and sad! Then I realized how scared I had been too.
I think almost every mother has had a similar experience. Even Mary lost Jesus. That’s right! It’s in Luke 2:41-50:

“When He was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem…as they returned, Jesus lingered behind in Jerusalem. And Joseph and His mother did not know it; but supposing Him to have been in the company, they went a day’s journey, and sought him among their relatives…when they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem, seeking Him.
After three days they found Him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the teachers, both listening to them and asking them questions…So when they saw Him, they were amazed; and His mother said to Him, “Son, why have You done this to us? Look, Your father and I have sought you anxiously.”
And He said to them, “Why did you seek me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?” But they did not understand the statement which He spoke to them.

What grabs me about this passage is the very last sentence. “But they did not understand.” Um, Mary – what do you mean you don’t understand? You of all people should understand. This isn’t just any child we’re talking about here. This is JESUS!! Remember how the angel came and told you that you would give birth to God’s Son. Remember how a baby grew inside of you, even though you were a virgin. Do you remember the shepherds and the wise men who came to worship Him when He was just a baby? How could you forget this miracle?!

Yet, I really can’t be too hard on Mary. After all, she was a mother; a mom like me (except she didn’t have Pampers, sippy cups or car seats!). Sure, Jesus was God’s Son, but he came as a baby – an infant completely dependent on his mother. The Scriptures don’t tell us anything about His childhood, but I’m sure He grew up like all children do. He grew to be a toddler, a young boy, and then an adolescent. Is it possible that during those 12 years, Mary lost sight of God’s plan? She spent all those days caring for Jesus, feeding him, bathing him, playing with him, teaching him, keeping him out of the street, rocking him to sleep and then doing it all the next day…and the next. Sounds rather mundane – I know what that feels like! She watched him learn to crawl and then to walk. She was probably there when He spoke His first words. It all seems so…human. No wonder Mary lost sight of the divine!

Truth is, I’m pretty forgetful myself. Some days I just get buried in piles of laundry, dirty diapers, and to-do lists that never get done. Then my toddler throws his hot dog on the floor (again) and I find myself wondering why on earth I wanted to have children! Too often I forget that my son is also a miracle. He started as just one cell and then grew inside of me and now he’s on the outside of me and he’s still growing and learning! How does that happen? I mean, God made this little person who looks a little like me and a little like my husband – and when I really stop and look at him, it’s mind-blowing how perfectly created he is. Yet, it’s hard to find meaning when my Mondays blur into my Tuesdays and each day is much like the last one. It’s hard to know if I’m making a difference as a Mom when I find myself facing the same battles (“Don’t throw your food!”) 10 days in a row. I need to remember that my son is a miracle. I need to remember that toddlerhood doesn’t last forever. I need to remember that I’m not alone; I have my family, my friends, and I have Jesus.

Jesus. Oh yeah, I tend to forget about Him too. I mean, I know He is God’s Son and I believe in Him. But I get caught up in my busy daily life and I forget to pray. I forget to ask for His help, for His guidance. I forget to worship Him. I forget that I have 4 or 5 Bibles in my home waiting to be read. I forget that He loves me and that He created me from a single cell – another miracle!

I need to remember that He came to earth – for me. He died on the cross – for me. He came back to life – for me. I need to remember that it is JESUS who gives meaning to my life, not my daily activities or achievements (or lack thereof!). I need to remember that He made me and He loves me and He wants me to stay close to Him. I need to remember that He is GOD and with Him all things are possible – like being a Mom, a wife, a friend, and all the little mundane things I have to do each day.

(written by Heidi Songer for the Westwood MOPS December 2010 newsletter)

Wait on the Lord

This summer I participated in an awesome Bible Study group. We went through the book The Sacred Echo, by Margaret Feinberg. I missed the first meeting and I almost didn’t go to the second one, but I’m glad I did!

Though I hadn’t read the book yet, one discussion question stood out to me that night. “What are you waiting for?”
On my way home, a song came on the radio – “While I’m Waiting” by John Waller. I’ve heard this song many times before, but at that moment I was especially captivated by the message. “While I’m waiting – I will serve you. While I’m waiting – I will worship.” Then as I read in the Psalms that week, I saw these words, “Wait on the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait on the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14)

Ok – now the Lord had my attention. I was listening. But what did He want me to wait for? Over the next few weeks, I continued to read the Bible and I continued to ask the question, “What am I waiting for?” The Scriptures revealed many blessings that the Lord offers to those who wait on Him.

Deliverance (Psalm 25:20)

Protection (Psalm 33:20)

Strength (Isaiah 40:31)

The word that stood out the most to me though was Healing. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for over 10 years. I’ve resigned myself to the likelihood that I will deal with this my whole life. But I sense that God wants me to pray for healing, and to wait for healing. How long? 1 month? 1 year? 10 years? Perhaps the healing won’t come until I’m in heaven. But still, God wants me to wait, and to wait expectantly, believing that He is able to heal me.

But what if He doesn’t? That’s where another song has ministered to me. (God often reaches out to me through music!). “No Matter What” by Kerrie Roberts is my current favorite song. She sings, “I know that You could find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not, I’ll trust You, no matter what.”

What do I do while I wait? Sit around the house moping? Certainly not! Although there may be some days where survival is the best I can do, there are also days where I can take positive steps toward healing, like taking my medicine, seeking relationships and wise counsel, and of course, seeking God through His written Word and through prayer.

So what are YOU waiting for?

(written by Heidi Songer for the Westwood MOPS November 2010 newsletter)

New Life - reflections on Easter

On Palm Sunday we remember the day Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey. The crowds waved palm branches and sang, "Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord." If the story ended there, you might guess that Jesus was on his way to becoming the new king. But the story didn't end there.

Just a few days later, Jesus was in front of another crowd. This time they were crying, "Crucify him, crucify him!" And they did. Jesus died a painful, humiliating death on a cross. If the story ended there, it would have been a tragedy. But thank God, there's more!

On the third, some women went to the tomb where Jesus' body had been placed. When they got there, they found the stone rolled away and Jesus' body gone! An angel told them, "He is risen! Just as he said." Soon after, Jesus appeared to all his disciples. He taught them many more things, then he ascended into heaven. So, is this the end of the story? It would be a happy ending for sure, but I think there is more.

What does this story have to with you and me? Because Jesus rose from the dead, you and I have the offer of eternal life with Him. Now that really is good news! But there is STILL more!

You don't have to wait until you get to heaven to experience the new life that Jesus offers. You can experience it now! Are there any "dead" areas in your life? Could your marriage use a breath of fresh air? How about your relationship with your kids, or with your parents? Are there any areas of struggle or sin or difficulty in your life? The same power that raised Jesus from the dead is available to heal your marriage or to help you defeat that stubborn sin - right now!

All you have to do is ask! God wants you to. "Ask and it shall be given to you. Seek and ye shall find. Knock and the door shall be open to you." Matthew 7:7

*Thank you to Pastor Joel Johnson (Westwood Community Church) and Pastor Dave Johnson (Church of the Open Door). Your teaching has influenced me tremendously.

Missing You

There's clothes in the closet you will never wear.

There's toys in bins that you will never play with.

There's a gaping hole in my life right now

and I don't know how to move on!

Will there be another baby?   Probably.

But it won't be you!

I never really knew you;

Never knew if you were a boy or a girl;

Never gave you a name.

For 15 weeks you lived inside me and somehow

I loved you!

But now,

I'm just missing you.

In Memory

On June 2nd, I heard the blissful sound of my unborn baby's strong beating heart.  What a reassurance after weeks of nausea and sickness.  But on July 13th, no heartbeat could be found; no movement could be detected.

 What happened?  Why?  We don't really know.  All we know is that our baby's heart stopped beating at around 12-13 weeks.  I was supposed to be 16 weeks pregnant.  I still FELT pregnant. I hadn't had any pain or other symptoms. This all just came out-of-the-blue.

So now what?  Well, we move on.  I get up each day (the hardest part!); I teach lessons; I try to keep my busy 4-year-old out of trouble and give him lots of hugs; I sing worship songs and jazz songs with my hubby and give HIM lots of hugs.

But I am sad; so sad it overwhelms me at times.  I am angry and frustrated at this outcome.  I need to mourn and that's why I'm writing now.

I'd like to post a poem that was sent to me from my mother-in-law.

"Just those few weeks"

For those few weeks-

I had you to myself.

And that seems too short a time

to be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks-

I came to know you...

and to love you.

You came to trust me with your life.

Oh, what a life I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks-

When I lost you,

I lost a lifetime of hopes,

plans, dreams, and aspirations...

A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks-

It wasn't enough time to convince others

how special and important you were.

How odd, a truly unique person has recentlydied

and no one is mourning the passing.

Just a mere few weeks-

and no "normal" person would cry all night

over a tiny, unfinished baby,

or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.

No one would, so why am I?

You were just those few weeks my little one;

you darted in and out of my life too quickly.

But it seems that's all the time you needed

to make my life so much richer

and give me a small piece of eternity.

out of the mouth of Caleb

Yesterday morning, Caleb crawls into bed with me (which is his custom) and cuddles up next to me.  He says, "I like to cuddle.  God made me that way"

My sweet little cuddler!

luckiest woman alive

The other day, my hubby (the best hubby ever) walks past the bathroom while I'm doing my hair and comments, "Wow, you DO look skinny!" 

 

A moment later, my adorable 4-year-old 

son comes to the bathroom door and says, "Wow Mommy, you do look skinny!"

I think I must be the luckiest woman alive!

Now a little background info:  I have lost 5 pounds in the past week-and-a-half, because I have gall stones and am really watching my diet - especially my fat intake!  I don't recommend gall stones as a weight loss technique (ha!), but perhaps I should continue to be cautious of my fat intake even after my gall bladder is removed (I am scheduled for surgery on May 1st).  

Confession #1

I am an imperfect mom.  That's my first confession.  Are you also an imperfect mom?  Let's talk! I know a few moms who seem to have it all together.  Just a few of them, like 4 or 5, but that's just enough to make me feel like there's some secret to motherhood that no one has bothered to tell me. If I ever figure it out, I'll be sure to let everyone know!