In Memory

On June 2nd, I heard the blissful sound of my unborn baby's strong beating heart.  What a reassurance after weeks of nausea and sickness.  But on July 13th, no heartbeat could be found; no movement could be detected.

 What happened?  Why?  We don't really know.  All we know is that our baby's heart stopped beating at around 12-13 weeks.  I was supposed to be 16 weeks pregnant.  I still FELT pregnant. I hadn't had any pain or other symptoms. This all just came out-of-the-blue.

So now what?  Well, we move on.  I get up each day (the hardest part!); I teach lessons; I try to keep my busy 4-year-old out of trouble and give him lots of hugs; I sing worship songs and jazz songs with my hubby and give HIM lots of hugs.

But I am sad; so sad it overwhelms me at times.  I am angry and frustrated at this outcome.  I need to mourn and that's why I'm writing now.

I'd like to post a poem that was sent to me from my mother-in-law.

"Just those few weeks"

For those few weeks-

I had you to myself.

And that seems too short a time

to be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks-

I came to know you...

and to love you.

You came to trust me with your life.

Oh, what a life I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks-

When I lost you,

I lost a lifetime of hopes,

plans, dreams, and aspirations...

A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks-

It wasn't enough time to convince others

how special and important you were.

How odd, a truly unique person has recentlydied

and no one is mourning the passing.

Just a mere few weeks-

and no "normal" person would cry all night

over a tiny, unfinished baby,

or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.

No one would, so why am I?

You were just those few weeks my little one;

you darted in and out of my life too quickly.

But it seems that's all the time you needed

to make my life so much richer

and give me a small piece of eternity.